Those aren't Pokémon!
by Satan's Spikey Thong
Summary: BEN gets jelly of Jad always playing those damned Pokémon games, so he seeks his revenge. BENxJad. Rated M for sexual themes and language.


**_CleverBot: "What are you doing?"_**

**_CleverBot: "Jad? Stop playing that game."_**

**_CleverBot: "I don't like it."_**

**_CleverBot: "I said STOP."_**

**_CleverBot: "I know you see this."_**

**_CleverBot: "You're irritating me, Jadusable."_**

**_CleverBot: "Stop ignoring me and put that controller down at once."_**

**_CleverBot: "You'll pay for this."_**

.:::.

Jadusable had grown sick of playing that wretched Majora's Mask cartridge. He got goose bumps every time he even _glanced _at it, but he couldn't be blamed; the game was haunted by a malicious entity that only sought his pain for its pleasure.

This entity, by the possibly false alias of "BEN", had pressured him into playing its cart nearly every single day. It was a virtual hell as the avatar, Link, would randomly burst into flames and text boxes with cryptic messages would appear, directed at Jad. There was no way to win, and when he conversed with the spirit over the CleverBot AI, the only hints he was given were in the form of fragments.

He had decided from an early stage that BEN was only toying with him to get a reaction, but it also needed him to help it spread on the internet. For now, it was tucked inside his computer, unable to get free. Despite Jad's attempts to rid of both the game cart and his computer, BEN had always stopped him. It claimed that it could reach him anywhere, thus, able to kill him whenever it deemed necessary.

Due to the fear it drilled into him, Jad allowed himself to be drug through the motions of BEN's plans. His regular routine of the day would usually consist of waking from horrendous nightmares, being forced to play that awful game, and listen to the threats and taunts it dished out over the bot.

This was normal for him, as he missed his classes and remained concealed behind closed blinds. Every day was the same. That is, except today.

Today, he decided to pick up one of the other cartridges he had bought the same day he obtained the haunted one: Pokémon Stadium. BEN would be upset, but the man couldn't stand to play Majora's Mask anymore. He deserved a break.

Without much thought, in the case he may change his mind, Jad pulled the grey MM cart out of his N64 and replaced it with the Pokémon one. He slid the power button on and took up his controller. It felt odd to be looking forward to this.

His hopes for a day of relaxation may have risen too high, however.

Almost immediately, the lights on his desktop computer flashed on, notifying him that BEN was trying to get into contact with him. Due to the limited space in his dorm room, the computer desk stood in the center of the room. Jad never missed a conversation.

After its instant boot up, the "Elegy of Emptiness" statue met him with its grinning face, courtesy of BEN making it his permanent background. Jad didn't make a move as he waited for the CleverBot window to appear, like a child preparing for a harsh scolding. He knew it was coming, and he began to regret his idea.

The title screen of Stadium was playing its theme, tempting Jad to press start and just forget about BEN right now. He couldn't, though, for it had brought up the AI quicker than he expected with the message: **_Cleverbot: "Why?"_**

Setting down his controller, Jad stumbled over to his keyboard and began typing, not even caring to sit down. **_User: "What?"_**

**_Cleverbot: "That game."_**

**_User: "What about it?"_**

**_Cleverbot: "It's the wrong one."_**

**_User: "Wrong?"_**

**_Cleverbot: "Did you get the cartridges mixed up, Jad?"_**

**_User: "I don't think so."_**

**_Cleverbot: "Check again." _**In a sarcastic gesture, because he knew BEN was watching, Jad leaned back from the desk and took a look behind him at the N64, then replied;

**_User: "Nope."_**

**_Cleverbot: "Majora's Mask."_**

**_User: "What about it?"_**

**_Cleverbot: "Why are you playing that game?"_**

**_User: "Because I want to, Ben." _**He typed this with less confidence than it read.

**_Cleverbot: "I can't play with you in there."_**

**_User: "Exactly."_**

**_Cleverbot: "Play Majora's Mask. Now." _**Jad could hear the malice as he read the word inside his head, but he did not respond. Not sure where the notion came from, or why he even followed through with it, he pressed and held the power button to his computer down until it shut off. After staring at the black screen for about five seconds, he turned back to his game.

.:::.

About four hours later, surprisingly without interruption from BEN, Jad had beaten two cups and played some of the mini games. He was working on the Petit again, using his favourite fire-type, Charmander, to take down a Bug Boy. He had doubts about how safe the other games really were, but his Stadium cart appeared to be just fine. Not that he expected it to be hacked, but rather, possessed by the same entity that dwelled in another.

Yet, he had been able to relive his childhood, as he originally intended with Majora's Mask, with no such disturbance. Jad had actually enjoyed this escape from reality, and by the time he checked his watch again it was about 1:00 PM.

He ended up playing the game all day, eventually beating a few more cups. BEN remained hidden, and it bothered Jad. Silence could mean anything. The possibilities chilled him. He had hoped the game would become distracting enough that he wouldn't think about such things, and it did to an extent.

The feeling that _it _was watching him lingered still, though. He wanted to leave, take a breather from the game maybe and go outside for some fresh air; he rarely left his dorm, after all. The man could even go search for some more yard sales and possibly pick up more games: Pokémon games.

The thought was tantalizing, as if he could actually play normal games and be normal again. Perhaps he could whip out his old GBC (Game Boy Color) and try one of the older gens. Yea, that sounded fun! BEN couldn't possibly infect his Game Boy, as it was never connected in any way to the devices it already controlled.

After he beat the cup he was on, Jad powered off the N64. "I'm heading out for a bit," He called as if it could hear him, which it probably could, and proceeded to grab his coat and an old box that hid behind some miscellaneous stuff on a shelf above his bed. Without further hesitation, he checked his pockets for his car keys (luckily there, considering BEN's nature with stealing his things away) and headed out the door.

.:::.

Jadusable had little luck hitting any yard sales that sold more than clothing and old magazine collections. For the first time in a long time he headed out to town to see what the local GameStop had on sale. He used to visit the place every week. Before BEN, of course.

In no time, he had pulled up in front of the building. There was the usual neon signs that hung on the windows reading: "Open" and "Sale", but past those was something more catching to his eye. Inside was a booth that had another sale sign surrounded by stacks of colourful cases for what appeared to be Game Boy games.

When Jad ventured in, he was surprised by his luck to find multiple Pokémon games among the stacks. He only had his Color, however, so he could only take the games that fit it. He grabbed Blue, Yellow, and Silver, paid, and left with his new/used games.

Once back in the car, Jad piled the carts by the old box he sat in the passenger seat. He stared down at it with a new temptation to just pull out his GBC and start playing. He wasn't even sure _why _he had brought it with him if he planned to just play back in his dorm.

But what if he didn't? Could he just run from BEN like this? Why was it allowing him even _this _freedom? It had to know that he was out, so it confused Jad greatly. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, though. Or…in this case, a gift Rapidash.

.:::.

**_CleverBot: "You've been playing that game all day."_**

**_CleverBot: "You don't want to make me angry."_**

**_CleverBot: "I will not accept this, Jadusable. You better answer."_**

.:::.

Three days without contact from BEN, and Jad was enjoying it. He hadn't set his Game Boy down except to shower or sleep, in which dreams of catching bugs in Viridian Forest or Fishing in Cerulean filled his mind. It used to be a wonder that he could ever get shut eye with that creature around, but now it feels like it had been gone an eternity; as if it had just ceased to exist.

What had replaced his constant fear, his overall dread of each coming day, and conversations with BEN, were Pokéballs and rare candies and battles and XP and anything else related to Pokémon. His favourite of the games he had purchased was the special Yellow edition. It was too adorable to have a Pikachu following you around everywhere you went!

It was pretty easy to say that he was addicted to the series like never before. Sure, Jad had played them when he was younger, but this seemed like a whole new experience. He was _obsessed_. To think he was battling the COM on Stadium just days ago! He would definitely have to get more games next time he went to GameStop.

Now, Jad was carelessly sprawled across his bed, battling Gym Leader Lt. Surge and his Raichu. He honestly should have been further into the game, but earlier today he had to dig around for batteries, as his ran out on the GBC. Oh well, he could catch up.

But….it would have to be tomorrow. His watch chimed, telling him it was nine 'o clock and time for some shut eye. Reluctantly, he saved his file and sat the little, blue device on his bedside table, flipped off the lamp, and threw a blanket over himself.

_Where has the day gone? _He pondered, closing his eyes and thinking about his Pikachu.

.:::.

"_Pikachu? Where are you?" Jad called out, running along a naturally-worn path in Viridian. Trees sprung up all around him, making him feel enclosed, yet somehow exposed. Visions of gliding Spearows and bounding Rattatas had been the recent subjects of his dreams. Where were they now? He felt strange, as if some ominous presence was lingering about him. It was bad enough Pikachu was missing; the yellow creature had always stuck by his side during his sleep. "Pikachu?" _

_No response, nor sound of skittering feet moving to greet him as he expected. It is weird, of course, to be in a dream and know this, expecting your senses to be so aware, but Jad always had such vivid ones. His Pokémon always reacted like they did in the game, so this behavior from Pikachu was even weirder._

"_I tried to warn you, Jadusable. It would seem you love this game more than me." A light, almost humor-filled voice resonated from somewhere behind him. Quickly, he turned to see the pixelated silhouette of the Elegy statue. He knew what it was, because it had haunted his waking _and _dreaming life for a long time. What he was seeing was the real BEN, but projected into Pokémon graphics. _

_Obviously lacking its usual stand, it took a single step forward and light illuminated its GBC shades. Jad then noticed that they were in a clearing. He wanted to ask what it had done to his Pikachu, but knew that would sound stupid. "I _hate _you. Of course I- love? Wait…what?"_

_But before he could fully collect his thoughts, Jad was greeted with a text box that appeared at his feet reading: "BEN wants to battle!" Before the environment flashed with the predicted battle actions, he could make out the figure before him, still fairly distanced, grin demonically._

.:::.

Jad woke with a jolt, head raised and looking around frantically. It took him a moment before he heard the 8-bit melody of Vermillion coming from his GBC. "The fuck?" He reached over and grabbed it, checking out his screen. Everything appeared normal…but why was it on?

Suddenly, his screen flashed and made the battle sounds. He couldn't stop it, either, and when he tried to turn it off, the device didn't respond. Then came the text box: **Wild BEN appeared! BEN wants to fight! **

The Elegy statue formed from a pale-green tunnel of sparks, grinning. "No, what the serious fuck? Get out of there, BEN!" Jad yelled at the console.

**_BEN sent out BEN's D!_**

**_Go! Jad's Buns! _**

"What the fuck what the fuck what the _fuck_?" Apparently, _his _bum cheeks appeared before him on screen, thrust outward in the bottom, left corner. There wasn't a lower abdomen, just….bare ass. He couldn't move the arrow over to the "Run" icon; he had no control. Everything ensued on its own.

He wasn't sure what was worse, though, this or what BEN's weapon of choice was. His own dick? Really? "Come on! These aren't even Pokémon!" But that was obvious. Wait, what was it _doing?_

**BEN's D used HARDEN! Boosted DEFENSE! **Fortunately, just the basic "HARDEN" action as, to exemplify, Metapod uses.

**Jad's Buns used BOOTY TEASE! It's SUPER effective! **Jad's ass did a little wiggle with a matching chime. He was lost for words.

**BEN's D's DEFENSE fell greatly! It's PARALYZED!**

**BEN's D twitches! ***Twitch twitch*

**Jad's Buns used the item LUBE! Preparation lessens penetration! Boosts DEFENSE!**

**BEN's D used THRUST! Effects lessened by LUBE! **

"The serious fu- Is that a _hand_?" **Jad's Buns used BOOTY SMACK! BEN's D's DEFENSE is lessened greatly! **

**BEN's D used THRUST! It's SUPER effective!**

**Jad's Buns used COCK BLOCK! BEN's D's THRUST is DISABLED!**

**BEN's D used ASS GRAB! It squeezed Jad's Buns!**

**Jad's Buns used LAP DANCE! **"WHAT THE SHIT, BEN?"

**BEN's D's ATTACK decreases! **

**BEN'S D used CUMSHOT! Soaks Jad's Buns!**

**Jad's Buns is too sticky to move!**

**BEN's D used FLAVOURED CONDOM! Protects against STD attacks!**

**Jad's Buns used TWERK! It's SUPER effective!**

**BEN's D flinched!**

**Jad's Buns has to recharge!**

**BEN's D used CUMSHOT! The attack missed!**

**Jad's Buns used TELEPORT! Can't escape! **"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-"

**BEN's D is no longer disabled! BEN's D uses THRUST! It's SUPER effective!**

**Jad's Buns used JIGGLE! Causes side effect AROUSED!**

**BEN's D is storing energy! **

**Jad's Buns used TELEPORT! Can't escape!**

**BEN's D used SUPER THRUST! It's SUPER effective!**

**Jad's Buns can't move due to effects of PENETRATION!**

**BEN's D used ORGASM!**

**Jad's Buns fainted! HNNNNG!**

**Ben's D gains OVER 9,000 EP!**

Jad stared blankly at the screen for a few moments, attempted the power off again, fortunately working, and went back to sleep.

His usual dreams were obscured with visions of penises and ass cheeks. Scarring enough was this for him to long for simple CleverBot conversations with a ghost out to only torture him. He refused to pick up his GBC ever again.


End file.
